The antecedents and consequences of parents' unconditional acceptance to children

Abstract

In a “face” culture with the emphasis on interdependent self-construal, many Chinese parents tend to base their self-worth on children’s accomplishment (Ng, Pomerantz, & Deng, 2014). This contingent self-worth is coined by Eaton and Pomerantz (2004) as “child-based worth.” With heightened child-based worth, many parents feel compelled to use conditional regard such as love withdrawal to minimize children’s failure and maximize their success. Yet, considerable research has revealed the adverse effects of “parental conditional regard” on children’s well-being (Assor, Roth, & Deci, 2004). To optimize children’s development, unconditional acceptance is speculated to be an antidote (Rogers, 1961; Ellis & Bernard, 2006). Although “parental unconditional acceptance” appears to be more conducive, questions remain whether parental unconditional acceptance is feasible among Chinese parents when child-based worth is prevalent (Ng, Pomerantz, & Lam, 2013). In addition, there are also concerns about whether unconditional acceptance equals to indulgence, and whether unconditional acceptance would undermine children’s motivation to achieve. To address these concerns, two studies were conducted to investigate the antecedents and consequences of parental unconditional acceptance. Study 1 was a correlational study with the participation of 113 Hong Kong Chinese 5th and 6th graders and their mothers on a self-reported survey. Child-based worth was found to be an inhibitive factor, while maternal unconditional self-acceptance and grandmothers’ unconditional acceptance were found to be facilitative factors to mothers’ provision of unconditional acceptance to children. Furthermore, mothers who reported unconditional acceptance to children were found to provide structure for children’s homework. Children’s perception of unconditional acceptance from mothers was predictive of their unconditional self-acceptance, which in turn was related to their self-improvement motivation. These findings refuted the common belief that unconditional acceptance would lead to indulgence and the lack of motivation to make improvement. Nevertheless, the correlation design of Study 1 could not imply causality. To overcome this limitation, priming experiment was adopted in Study 2. A total of 145 parents from three local primary schools participated in Study 2. They were randomly assigned to child-based worth condition (n = 75) and unconditional self-acceptance condition (n = 70). Convergent with Study 1’s findings, parents primed with unconditional self-acceptance reported significantly greater intention to provide unconditional acceptance to children, and significantly lower intention to provide conditional regard to children than those primed with child-based worth. In view of children’s undesirable learning behavior in a hypothetical scenario, parents in both conditions reported highest likelihood to adopt authoritative response, indicating parents primed with unconditional self-acceptance would not behave permissively to children’s misbehavior. Compared to parents primed with child-based worth, parents primed with unconditional self-acceptance reported feeling significantly less shameful and guilty. They were also less likely to make response with the purpose to let children knew that they were worthless and unlovable if they had poor academic performance. The current research expands past studies by providing empirical evidence to the antecedents and consequences of parental unconditional acceptance. The findings not only shed light on the doubts about unconditional acceptance in parenting, but also provide practical implications on parent education.